"You're always on my mind"

I wanna post again!
I want to write out all i felt!

Des and me have met up yesterday. I'm been thinking for few days should i meet him anot. But when i told myself that he made an initiative to ask me out, i should be brave to face him. After my ice-skating at Leisure Park, he came to find me.

I felt weird at first cos it was really uncomfortable. We are normal, just a casual talk on how's life going. We headed to Esplanade after our dinner. It was a few years back ever since we been there. We find a small corner to sit and here goes our conversation. He asked me do i have any things to tell him? Frankly speaking, 'nope' at the beginning. We sat down at slowly talked about our 5 years+ of relationship. I always told myself to be strong to face it and don't be foolish again. At that moment, i know that i have not forget him and still love him. Des made me so confused. He let me go because:

• He want my life to be bright fully.
• I love him more than he love me.
• He don't want to hurt me if he does anything wrong.
• I can be happier without him by my side.
  

He told me, "Actually i still wish to hold on this relationship. Why you want to come on that day, if you didn't come on, nothing will happen." I felt so heartache when i heard it. i felt that I'm the one making a mess of it. I can sensed EVERYTHING from him. I know we misses each other alot. We have been spending along for 5 years plus. It wasn't easy at all. I felt so relief, when I'm with him. He the only guy that i will make an initiative to do everything. Last night, i really do still love him. When Des told me what's thinking, i felt that it's a good thing. Cos we must shared out our thought. I'm happy that we did. He asked me, "If one day i come back to you, will you come back?, Do you still love me now?" i wish to tell Des the truth that I wish that you will be back by my side and i still love you! But i didn't, i keep on denying cos I'm afraid to get hurt again. I know i should tell him the truth cos i might slipped the chance but I DIDN'T !

When the moment that he lend his head to me and kissed me, i know that he still love me. Cos i understand what he's character is. I can't resist anymore. I just want to cherish the moment that we are together. I felt that he's still with me even though we are apart. I missed the moment that i was sitting at his back and hugging him when he was riding his bike. We headed back to his place. I know that his mum will be surprised to see me and thought we are fine already but we weren't. I go to his place cos i want to pack my stuff back home. But truth fact, i don't bear to leave him and i still want him to be by my side, so without regrets, i followed him. I know Des also can't bear to leave just like that. I know he also miss the moment that we have! I can sensed it even thought he didn't mention anything to me. I decided not to go home cos we really can't bear each other to leave.

The Deep sparkle Of Love That Occurs!

Night time comes, He still sitting beside me, lying on his shoulder and seeing his face. It's really warmed my heart. When the night start to fall, we hugged each other. When the moment that he hugged me, i know that both of us can't bear each other. I love his hugs and i do also. Alot of things occurs so naturally. There's doting, eyes contacting and misses. Cos that's "LOVE". If you won't love a person, you won't have to do such things. I know i couldn't resist anymore cos i still love him. We both treasure the night. Feeling totally changed. Till last night, i then realized how much we love and miss each other and it's so strong without words. I was wronged all the time. i thought we really can't be back again but when i realized alot of things, i know we are truly love each other. I having a warm sleep cos Des is hugging me to sleep throughout the night. He won't have to does all this if he don't love me anymore. When morning reaches, I COULDN'T FACE THE REALITY that we have to leave. Maybe he's waiting for me to finish my bathing, perhaps. We hugged each other right away and give each other a kiss before i leave for my work and he need to go back to camp. It's come across so naturally. Well, i believe in him. Everything! You are my beloved boyfriend all along. Thanks for loving me. Sometimes things are meant to be with us. No regrets and hatefulness. Give a chance to think about what we have and did.

A Message to Des:
"Its really unbearable and really miss everything that we did. I know we still have to move on. The feeling i felt for last night is unforgettable. At that moment, i realized how much we love & miss each other. The night passed fast that we're going to apart each other. We know we can't bear each other to leave but we no choice. For now, we know that leaving each other and giving each other time to think is the best. Our love just like a sparkle of fire. Hugging me to sleep and kisses from you, I will remember always. I wish to be selfish and be a demanding gal that won't allow you to leave. Loving you and be a good girlfriend, will be the best that i can give. It's not going to be history or past tense. It will be a miracle and a future for each day! "